New England for Christmas!

 picture of Old Boston

I can't even begin to express to you how excited I am to head East to see my family for Christmas! My mom's side of the family has so many wonderful traditions that I get so bummed out when I miss out on them. For example:

Christmas Morning

• brunch @ my Aunt Betsy's - more relaxed and intimate time (less people)

Christmas Night

• dinner @ Noni & Gramps - EVERYONE and their mother is there (family & friends)
• lots of good food, games, and conversation
• Santa Bunny (long story but absolutely one of my favorite traditions!)
• Nativity Play (when we were young) now it's my cousin's kids if they do it

My cousins and I are all like brothers and sisters so missing out on seeing them is not fun. Now that all of us are older and most of us married it is hard for everyone to be at the same place, same time. Although, Christmas @ Noni & Gramps always seems to be that time where we "make it happen". And if we can't see each other Christmas night, we make it a point to over the break. I love that. I love my family. I love that we love so hard and so long. 

This Christmas like all the others is such a gift! I don't need anything else but my family. Thank you God for such an amazing family and the love that we share.

So we head out tomorrow night to Kansas City. The weather is supposed to be really bad so we are getting a hotel and take a shuttle bus to the airport in the morning. I'm bummed that I don't get to see Janie (supposed to stay the night tomorrow) but also glad it worked out for us to go up early to be safe. 

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

Enjoy your family and friends but most of all thank the Lord for sending his son in such a simple but miraculous way to give us true life and love.

Pizza Time!

Kevin and I love Pizza night! 

It's so quick and easy and we really enjoying being creative with our toppings! 

Tonight Kevin made his version of a Mediterranean:

Roasted Garlic & Parmesan Tomato Sauce, Mozzarella & Feta Cheese, Sun-Dried Tomatoes, fresh Tomatoes, Calamata Olives & Spinach

it looks like someone else is feeding Kevin! haha

I made a Chicken-Spinach-Tomato:

Traditional Sauce, Mozzarella & fresh Parmesan Cheese, Sun-Dried Tomatoes, fresh Tomatoes, Spinach, and Chicken

gotta have my Root Beer when I can! YUM!

Hope you had a wonderful dinner like we did! 

Now Kevin is off to bowling with his brothers and dad and I'm going to go sew. 

Many blessings!

A Classy Llama Christmas Party!

The Feast

 David & Alex Sportin' Christmas Cheer!

Last Friday Kevin's work, Classy Llama Studios, http://classyllama.com/, had their Christmas Party. The "Classy Llama Mama's" as we like to be called pretty much planned it all while our husbands made money by entering binary code and doing other nerdy but awesome things that we don't understand! 

There were about 30 people there and we all had a blast! We ate lots of good food and couldn't stop eating Sarah Well's desserts, http://staysweetbakery.com/! We played a game where you get a sticker put on your head that says something like, " reindeer poop" or "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and you are only allowed to ask "yes" or "no" questions in order to figure out what your sticker says. Some people got their right away but others it took them a LONG time. haha.

Sweet Shawna trying so hard to guess her sticker!

 Erik was struggling as well... but all was well in the end!

 

Cutie Abbott Kids! 

Overall we had a great time being with one another! It was a party filled with friends, laughter, joy, good food, and Christmas Cheer!

Crafty Christmas!

So this Christmas in order to save some money, and because we love to be crafty, we have made all our Christmas presents and cards and even some of our decorations! I have taken on the task of making our first stockings as a married couple! This year we decided just to fill each other's stockings this year as our gift to one another. Today I actually went out and bought lots of goodies for Kevin's stocking (10 things for $10!). It was really fun. Can't wait to see what Kevin puts in mine! I think stockings are the best! 

Here are also a picture of us on our 2 year Anniversary date. Kevin took me down to Branson, MO to "the Landing" (a cute shopping center) and we went out to dinner at this amazing Greek restaurant called "The Bleu Olive". It was such good food. He also presented me with a "new" diamond engagement ring because I ended up being allergic to my old one! It is SO beautiful. I meant to take pictures of that too but it is being resized right now. Then we went and walked around the outdoor shopping center and watched a cool fountain show (with lights and Christmas music to it).

Christmas is Near & Baby Cheer!

It's been awhile since our last post and really it has become more of Kevin's blog then "our" blog. Haha, don't get me wrong I loved his posts and I was truly challenged by everything he said but now it's time to get back to what's happening NOW. 

Tomorrow I will be 21 weeks pregnant and we are so excited to welcome a baby BOY into our lives in April. We just decorated our house for Christmas and it looks quite festive I think! Ever since we found out that we were expecting a boy (name a secret!) life seems to be full of cheer and love. Every so often throughout the week we hit moments of "reality" where we realize we've never been parents before! "WHAT WILL WE DO!" but then the panic subsides through much laughter and big hugs knowing that we will work it out as a team.

We are looking forward to flying East to Massachusetts for Christmas this year to be with family & friends. It will be a great time having more time to be Korban's Aunt & Uncle and also to show off my belly and have our baby get lots of love too!

Well you've seen some pictures of our baby boy and me at 20 weeks above, now here is a video of our home all decorated! (made with our new "Flip" -thanks mom&dad!)

17 Days Remaining: Round 2

Yesterday I talked about perseverance and self-worth. Today, as I challenged myself to find more worth in myself I realized what a tough balancing act it is.

On one hand, I have to know God thinks I'm worth His first (and only) Son and that He wants the best for me. I have to believe, He created me to accomplish great things. I know, at the very least, I need to give credit to God for putting me together in my mother's womb. I should not become prideful in my abilities, but God strength in my weakness.

On the other hand, I know I can be strong. I know I have to put in some hard labor and mental toughness to become great. I know for a lot of life, you get out what you put into it.

So how do I define greatness - if that's what I'm working for? Does my definition come from the world's perspective, Christ's perspective, or a mix of both?

Check this out:

Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.

"What is it you want?" he asked.

She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom."

"You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?"

"We can," they answered.

Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father."

When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

- Matthew 20:20-27

18 Days Remaining: Round 2

PERSEVERANCE:

This week, I've really want to not run. I woke this morning with the same attitude, maybe more so than previous mornings. "Why am I doing this?" I asked myself. "Why don't I want to run? Is it because I made that has-to-be-under-8-minute-mile-pace expectation?" As I was trying to wake up, these questions went through my head over and over and over again.

Finally, I got the guts to grab my watch and headphones and head out the door to start running. I was going for a sub 8 minute mile pace on my typical 3.5 mile loop. As I started, the questions didn't stop, "What am I running for?"

I ran halfway and then started walking. "What am I running for?" I asked again, determined to find an answer. I was giving myself a really hard time for walking, so I started again, trying to keep a good pace. And then I stopped and walked again.  Angry with myself for quitting I wanted to walk the rest of the way home, but no.

I started picking out points of where I was going to start running (jogging really) and a point for how far I was going to run (usually about a half of a block most times). I kept reminding myself of the important fact:


It's not about how many times you stop/quit/fall, it's about how many times you start/begin again/get up.


WORTH:

Still, the unanswered question kept inquiring, "What are you running for?" As I've said before, at times I run for Kate; at times for God. This morning, I decided I would run for my kids, but I wasn't going to run for me. 

I wasn't going to run for me. 

I wasn't going to run... for me.

Why would I run for everyone else and not for myself? And I realized. I don't feel like I deserve success. I don't feel like I deserve to have wealth, be great, or become well-known. I deserve to stay mediocre, known by a select few. Maybe I deserve to be known within the reach of this blog, but not much further than that.

That's how I feel - I feel I don't deserve success. As I child of God, I feel like I have been given a gift of provision (I know God will not let me be beaten beyond repair. He will provide for my needs). But do I deserve the blessings of being His child. Am I saved by my works? Or am I saved by His love for me? Does He really love me enough that He would die for me?? Really? 

Yes, He loves us. 

21 Days Remaining: Round 2

I started leading Life Groups yesterday which is a small group for youth.  I have about seven, 7th and 8th graders in my group. I realized I have not been giving much lately to anyone other than Kate and so it felt really good to start mentoring these Junior Highers.

This morning's run was good - 4.8 miles in 37:57 which is just under 8 minute mile pace (about 7:55). My breathing is so much better than when I started - my lungs have grown a lot. Anything under 8 minute mile pace, your legs don't like you too much, but they're getting used to the feeling of hard work.

I don't have anything super deep to talk about today. So in other news, Kate and I are looking for a small house to rent here in Springfield, MO. Kate's been working on her photography, which I'm really excited about. She just took photos of my brother Scott, and they came out really well.

That's all I got for today - see ya tomorrow.

23 Days Remaining

This morning I realized:

• I have used God's grace as an excuse for laziness. 

• I've lost my perspective of what God's role in my life was. 

• I grew up thinking God's role in my life was to coddle me through life's "hardships" and take away all pain. He is very capable of healing (I've seen it and felt it - emotion and physical healing). But to be the person He made me to become takes hard work. And I will go through pain striving for it.

• But no. God's role is not to spoil me.  His role is to equip me with the resources, abilities, motivation and purpose to become who He created me to become. And yes, to love me when I fall - God's very good at that.

I've committed to not run slower than 8 minute mile pace. This morning I ran 3.7 miles in 27:09. That's about 7:20 pace.  God is good.

24 Days Remaining: Round 2

I got up this morning and decided I want to run four miles. So I got on google maps and charted my course (as seen below). Just before I started running, I decided if I'm serious about running faster, I need to stop allowing myself to run slower than 8 minute mile pace. So that was my goal this morning - run 4 miles in under 32 minutes. I also decided not to look at my watch the whole run. I knew what a "faster than 8 minute mile" pace felt like, so I just had to keep that pace.

Looking at my watch to check my pace hardly ever helps me. If I'm faster than pace, I'll think, "Oooh, I'm ok. I can even slow down if I want or need to..." If I'm slower than pace, I'll think, "Ah. Dang, now I have to run faster to make my goal... meh, I don't think I can do it. I'm too far behind already."

When I focus on checking my pace all the time, I measure myself by what I've done so far. When I stop worrying about all the pace checking, I start measuring myself by what I'm going to do (run four miles in under 32 minutes).

Which made me realize: You are who you become.


You aren't who you are right now. You aren't who you want to become. You are who you become. 

My time: 29 minutes. Thank you God. But without mitigating my accomplishment today, I need to wake tomorrow willing to grow more. Especially in fitness, if you're not growing, you're decaying.



View Larger Map

25 Days Remaining: Round 2

I wanted to run without music this morning.  Music really helps motivate me, but I wanted to battle my mind alone.  And it was a battle. I ran a mile to warm up and challenged myself for a fast run - 2.4 miles hard. I wanted to battle my mind because I knew it would try to convince me out of running fast.

I have let my mind win this battle many times before.  The first half of the run, it won - 1.2 miles in 9:21.  On the way back I realized something huge.


How many times do we settle for less than greatness? 


And how many times do we let our mind creatively figure out a way to justify our lack of effort? 


Passing the halfway point, I wanted to kick that 9:21's butt and run faster the second half of the run. Gah! This is when my body started complaining too! My thighs were heavy, my lungs were tired, my feet were weak. Then I realized the second huge point.

Does your whole body know what greatness feels like - or just your mind?


I realized my body does not know what it feels like to be a great runner yet. My lungs, legs, and feet cannot say, "We've experienced the pain of growth and are we know what greatness feels like." And I kept asking myself that question: Do my legs know what greatness feels like yet? Do my feet know? Are my lungs familiar with the breaths of the last stages of a three mile sprint? No... not yet.

Most importantly - ask yourself this - Does your heart know what greatness feels like?  Because I bet if you look deep enough, you can answer that question - our hearts know greatness when we see it or experience it. But the bigger question is this: Are you going to let your heart know what greatness feels like?


Letting myself feel greatness - and believe I can reach my full potential - is one thing I've definitely sacrificed. In fact, I have surrendered many things to God before - my worries, my stresses.  But I know in surrendering worry and pain (meaning, letting God shoulder them so I don't have to) I've in turn surrendered my full potential.

Will God help you become the great man or woman He created you to be? Without question - He's always standing there when you're willing to call out for Him.

Will God hoist you up on a soft, cushioned chair and carry you to greatness? Maybe not so much.

So don't give up until your body, soul, and mind know greatness - then strive to become even greater. 


Oh, and I DID kick that 9:21's butt - by a full minute.

Still Running

Well, I'm sorry I didn't post earlier about my final run last Friday.  The week of the run, I was a mess - I was so stressed and busy and honestly, I stopped posting because I wanted to take the lime light off me a little before I ran just in case I failed.

So, I didn't make the time. In fact, I'm pretty sure I ran one lap short of 3 miles. So it is what it is - failure, defeat, falling short, not meeting expectations - however you want to call it. But forget that. Put those words away because I was not a failure in the most important sense: I fell short, but I'm getting up.


I learned this past month how much I'm afraid of failure. It paralyzes me. I chose mediocrity and laziness because I was afraid of letting others down - afraid of them seeing me fail.

Letting fear control my actions, I sacrificed my full potential. Imagine who you would be if you actually did what you deeply desired to do! 


Deep down, I feel everyone can find who they truly want to be. What's holding you back from being that person?


IMPORTANT THOUGHTS:
1. So I look at failure in a different way now.  Failure (or whatever form "failure" takes for you) is simply a God-given insight to an area in your life where you can grow. Learning you have room to grow is not bad. It's not saying you're not good enough. It's saying, you can be more!

What a gift, to discover an area in your life where you can grow more to become the person of God you deeply desire to be!

2. Mentally, on my run this morning (2.85 miles in 21:24), I changed my normal focus, from making it to the finish line, to making the next couple of steps.  I was encouraged every three steps that I kept the pace of three steps back.  When I used to think of the entire journey, I would sometimes realize I had "too far" to go and "I can't make it".  I can make it three steps - so keep taking steps!!

3. I hardly ever fulfilled "commitments" to myself before. Because, ultimately, what was the purpose? My purpose to commit before was this: "I'm supposed to commit to this, right? This is what everyone expects me to commit to, right?" See if you recognize some of these "commitments":

• I commit to running more
• I commit to read my Bible more
• I commit to praying more
• I commit to calling my friends more

I was trying to commit these because it was what "I was supposed to do" - or what I chose to hear from society. And anytime I wrote one of these commitments down and taped it to my mirror, it was a burden, a weight, more "work", less time, less energy, less money. But I've changed my purpose in commitments.

My purpose behind commitments now is this: I know this commitment will help me become the person I want to be.  And now a list of 50 commitments does not make me feel tired and depressed - just the opposite in fact! It makes me excited that I am on my way to becoming the person I deeply desire to be!

7 Days Remaining

It's crazy to think, in just one week I'll be bustin' my butt to make 3 miles in 18 minutes. I feel so short of that goal - and maybe I am - but I'm going to do my very best.

This morning the Missouri State University track had all the football stuff out, ready to go, including the inflatable run-through tunnel laid out across the track.  So I changed my running plan to 2 miles worth of 1/2 laps at sub 6 minute mile pace (42 seconds) with a 30 second break between each.  With a good rest between each I was able to make it pretty soundly.

So through this journey, I've realized how much better the book of Psalms is when you're going through struggles or challenges in life. Here's a part of what I read this morning. It really encouraged me to again put my hope in God, not myself and not others or other things. And I love the prayer on the last two lines.

"The best-equipped army cannot save a king,

nor is great strength enough to save a warrior.

Don’t count on your warhorse to give you victory—

for all its strength, it cannot save you.

But the Lord watches over those who fear him,

those who rely on his unfailing love.

He rescues them from death

and keeps them alive in times of famine.

We put our hope in the Lord.

He is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in his holy name.

Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,

for our hope is in you alone."

 - Psalm 30:16-22

8 Days Remaining

I didn't post last Tuesday, because I was ashamed.  It seems this commitment has locked itself deep within my being and the thought of not succeeding is gut-wrenching - literally - especially Tuesday morning.  I don't think I can fully express the pain of my run Tuesday.

I intended to run 3 miles in 21 minutes.  Half way, I was just off pace and slowing.  Literally screaming and grunting out loud (and I'm sure, making a fool of myself), my mind knew it was not going to convince my legs to move any faster.  Anger filled my heart - anger towards my mind, my legs, even anger towards God for "forsaking" me.

In my anger towards God, I was reminded of Job and David who kept their integrity and faith through their trials.  I realized how I can lose my integrity and faith sometimes in the midst great struggle, and how much I need forgiveness for losing faith.

Forgiving myself has always been hard because I've been so "well practiced" at doing good works - and I'm such a perfectionist that I subconsciously have a "saved by works" mentality. I realized Tuesday morning after my run, I knew a lot of the concept of Christ's sacrifice for my forgiveness, but I understood very little of His forgiveness in reality. I want to understand more.


Again, it's not the end of the world. I'm very thankful I can even run three miles. But breaking this small goal represented a lot more than one run.  It represented missing the goal next Friday.   And if I don't make the run next Friday, I have to forgive myself.  My lovely wife (I'm so thankful for her help and support on this journey) reminded me that being able to run 3 miles in 18 minutes doesn't define me, but striving for that goal whole-heartedly and doing my best to become a better man for myself, her, and others - that is what defines me.

Giving Up: 11 Days Remaining

Ever since the 6 minute mile a while back, I've been pretty confident in myself - keyword: myself. I lost sight of the real purpose in accomplishing this goal. And running for myself ran me into the ground. I can't do it myself - I have to give up.  Give it all up to God.

It's all for the glory of God. 

Now, some of us hear that phrase all the time, so what does it really mean? Here's my interpretation: I know apart from God, I am capable of so little. With God, I am capable of so much. And I cannot take credit for things I did not create - like my lungs, my heart, my legs.  I cannot take credit for things I do - like walk, speak, run, love. God has given me these "gifts". And I am supposed to use His "gifts" to show others how awesome God is. I run to show off His Power. I brag in the strength and hope He gives me to finish strong - in every commitment, every run, every moment in life.

I can only take credit for making the decision to give God my life and choosing obey Him. Everything else I have to give up to God. 


Last night, Kate really helped me refocus on God working in my life - giving each run, each day to Him - instead of my finite self taking on all this responsibility alone. And this morning was a great run. I started off strong, slowed around the half to three-quarter markers, and then God gave me the strength to bring it home strong.

"Even youths grow tired, and young men stumble and fall. But those who put their hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint." - Isaiah 40:30, 31


4.8 miles in 38 minutes - Thank you Lord for giving me the strength.



View Larger Map

13 Days Remaining

I ran about 3.5 miles in about 33-34 minutes. My goal this morning was to run the whole thing without getting that side ache from not breathing deeply enough - and I was able to do that.

I just noticed yesterday (thanks to Kurt) what some of you have been posting comments this whole time.  Haha. So I went back through my previous posts and read them all.  They were very encouraging and I'm happy for you all to join in on this journey.

Today's thought has more to do with real life than my running life, but lately they've been blending more and more together (total side note: running has so many metaphors to real life, it's ridiculous). Things have gotten financially tight for Kate and I this month. (It's funny - you always start to pray harder when life gets harder.) But at the end of my run, as I was doing my cool down walk around the block, listening to some music on Kate's iPod, the song "You are Mine" by Mute Math came on.

Here's the lyrics:

Everyone has their obsession

Consuming thoughts, consuming time

They hold high their prized posession

That defines the meaning of their lives

You are mine

You are mine

You are mine, oh mine

You are mine

There are objects of affection

That can mesmerize the soul

There is always one addiction

That just cannot be controlled

You are mine

You are mine

You are mine, oh mine

You are mine

Everyone has their obsession

Consuming thoughts, consuming time

They hold high their prized posession

They hold high their prized possession

Kate and I just talked about selling some of our "prized possessions" yesterday and about getting refocused on making a real effort to pay off our student loans.  The conversation was a little stressful for me - Kate had her Dave Ramsey kick good and strong, and I was fighting it.  But this song gave me a lot of peace this morning. I am His, I am God's child and these possessions don't matter. What matters most is that I am His possession.



So, Why this Ridiculous Goal?

Some of you probably don't know why I'm even trying to make this ridiculous goal of 3 miles in 18 minutes by September 10th. It started at a Klemmer's Champion Workshop. I volunteered to come up and share a goal I had. Then I was asked what meeting that goal would mean to me. He dug a little deeper and asked what would it mean to my family and friends.

Running has always been a part of my life: being the best runner in the 5th grade class; competing with and then becoming best friends with Lucas Brenaman who was the best runner in the 6th grade class; long morning runs in Jackson Hole, when I would pray for the whole 30-45 minute run; night time runs followed by deep, meaningful conversations with friends; other night time runs when I would try to outrun my high-flying emotions during difficult, searching times in college.  Running has always been there.

After I graduated college, I started focusing more on other things - like surviving the post-college life, trying to pay off massive student loans, and chasing this lovely woman down who now is my wife. There were so many changes, most of them good, but I had lost the motivation to run.

I realized that night at the Klemmer workshop, how much running was a part of me and how lost and in part, undirected I felt because I was no longer who I was or who I really wanted to be.  I want to be a runner - to the day I die.

Now if you've checked out the Klemmer workshop, you may come out thinking it's rather humanistic, in that "man must find his own purpose" sort of way, but that's not how I see it, nor do I believe they want you to see it. They are simply equipping people with new lenses to see the world and to look for our full potential in whatever our purpose may be.  If your purpose is spreading the Love of Christ - they help you realize just how much more potential you really have to fulfill your purpose in huge (mountain-moving) ways.

You see, before, I thought spending time away from Kate to run was selfish. Or I thought, running should not be this big of priority in my life. God should be my first priority. Being the best I can be for God should be my first priority - working hard, not being lazy, doing His work to my fullest potential - and then some.

This goal has helped me realize how much God can give you strength in weakness.  I'm constantly on the lookout for more experiences with God outside of reading the Bible, praying, and singing - not that those are important and/or critical to life. But actually working hand in hand with God, instead of reading stories of how God worked with others thousands of years ago, really changes your perspective on a lot of things.

I'm really excited. Kate, my younger brother Scott, and I (along with most, if not all, my coworkers at Classy Llama Studios) are going to a weekend seminar put on my Klemmer and Associates here in Springfield Missouri. I'm excited to see how God will begin to work in our lives once we start realizing how much more capable He is than we give Him credit.

Facing "Reality": 14 Days Remaining

This morning I wanted to run a mile and a half at 6 minute mile pace and then finish the next mile and a half in whatever time my legs could drag me there. My mile split was 6:16 and I hit 9 minutes with half a lap to go. I finished my mile and half at 9:57.

No, it's not horrible. Yes, I'm thankful to be able to even run a 9:57 mile and a half (which is much better than the over 8 minute mile pace I had just 15 days ago).  And I could go on about how you shouldn't let failure slow you down, etc. etc. But I think that's just another one of my coping mechanisms: hiding my true feelings behind a positive teaching message.

So for the sake of being transparent and facing the realities of what's going on in my heart right now, here's how I really felt this morning:

FEELING 1:
I had all the confidence in the world yesterday to make that 1.5 miles in 9 minutes.  The mile under 6 minutes a few days ago and yesterday's run really pumped me up, but it takes a little more than just hype to face reality. I tend to be a fairly positive person, and so last night, when I started to really look at what it would take to make the 1.5 miles in 9 minutes, I began to see some disparity between what I said I believed I could do and what my heart believed I could do when I began to really study the task at hand.

You see, it's easy to say you can do something without thinking about all the little details to get you there.  It's much harder to keep the positive, confident mindset after you start studying "reality".  Maybe I should study "reality" more closely, and sooner, to prepare my mind and body for the real task.

FEELING 2:
What if I can't run 3 miles in 18 minutes by September 10th?
What if I break the commitment I made to my coworkers to make this run?
What if I set the bar too high?

When I start asking Kate these pessimistic type questions, she always replies, "Well, what if? What would happen?" And then I respond with something like, "Well, I would be very happy with myself." She comes back at me with, "And then what?" I respond. "And then what?" she asks again. And we go through this little cycle until I realize, ok, it's not the end of the world.  I have to remember, the world is not dependent on me making this one goal.

Maybe the world doesn't depend on me making this goal, but I can't give up. I can't stop trying. I can't let one day of doubt destroy weeks, months, years of my life -- and I think this is what happens to all of us all the time.  We fall one too many times and we are tired of getting up again - so we sit, we settle. But we must have the hope of regaining our strength. When we are weak, God is strong. With the strength of those around us, supporting us, we can get up and keep going. We are not alone. You are not alone. Don't give up.

Accept Pain: 15 Days Remaining

This morning I did the same 3.5 mile run as a couple days ago.  After checking google maps, I found out that it is actually between 3.6 and 3.7 miles. I used Kate's 2nd generation iPod Shuffle on the run and it definitely started me at a solid pace. (It was my first time to run with music - pretty fun as long as you look both ways at intersections...) So, I ran it in 27:43 - which I felt really good about. I want to hit just under 8 minute mile pace and that did it.

I really had to dig deep with about 5 minutes to go though. And running that sub-6 minute mile a couple days really helped me realize how fast I could run, so I cranked it up to 6 minute mile pace the last 3 minutes.  But let me tell you, I was hurting. Halfway, I acquired that lovely pain in your side - the one when you don't breathe evenly or deeply enough.

IMPORTANT THOUGHTS:


Accepting Pain:
Needless to say, I made my goal for this morning, but not without pain. When I was 7 minutes from my final destination, I couldn't find the right song to bring me home, so I went all naturale and took out the headphones. I quickly realized that I there was no way I would make my time if I wanted to avoid pain. At this point I really need to embrace it.

As Americans, we really enjoy our comfort. To most of the world, what we think of as pain, is really just hard work. But to not confuse anyone, I'll keep using the word pain, mainly because it means more to us than the phrase, hard work.  A little word of advice: If you want to accomplish any goal worth the effort, accept the fact that you will have pain - lots of it.  Once you realize pain is inevitable, you must accept it and embrace it.  And you'll get a lot further, much more quickly.

Pain is Easy When You're #1:
After realizing I don't do a good job at accepting pain, I looked back in my life to see if there was any place where I really dug deep for something.  (Sadly, there really wasn't much - and I say sadly because I now see all the potential I could have accessed if I worked as hard on those past things as I'm working for this goal of 3 miles in under 18 minutes in 30 days.)  One thing that did pop up was art.

I compare myself to those around me ALL the time and if I see myself as better than someone at something, then working hard to maintain that status doesn't hurt as much. In High School and College, I remember staying up to 2, 3, even 4 in the morning finishing an art project that was due the next day. But that pain didn't hurt much because my reward was great - having the best project in the class, being #1.

As I grew older, I began realizing that the world is a big place.  I slowly came to the realization, there are a lot of people out there who are better at art than I am.  So now, I really feel the "pain" in hard work and discipline when I pick up my sketchbook or pull out a canvas.  That is the number one reason I've hardly done any art since college. I had an art class every year from age 5 to 22 - and now I'm afraid I'll have to go through too much "pain" because I'm not the "best in my class" anymore.  It seems silly, but it's real. The same could be said for playing musical instruments in my life. Can you find anything in your life that you've set aside because you're not the best at it anymore?


Become the best person you can be without comparing yourself to others - and realize you'll need to embrace the pain to make it.




View Larger Map

17 Days Remaining

Yesterday, I didn't get a chance to post about my run but it went well. I ran the 3.5 mile run - the one I ran with Joseph in 37 minutes - but this time in 32 minutes.

Today, I was scheduled to run 3 miles at a 7:08 minute mile pace. I decided to try to run the first in under 6 minutes, the second under 7 minutes, and the last in under 8 minutes - to average out to about 7 minute mile pace.

Man, was that first mile fast!  It's a LOT faster than I remember it being back in college two years ago.  It just made me realize how far out of shape you can get in two years when you're not consistently in organized sports. So, I ran one mile in 5:56.  After that first mile I stopped.  I didn't even attempt the last two miles.  I feel proud for making one mile in under 6 minutes but know I still have a LONG way to go (two miles in 12 minutes to be exact) - and only 17 days to get there.

I didn't really meet my first challenge to you in my last post - to do what you are capable of, and let God take the reigns from there and don't limit what He can do.  I feel like I did what I could do, but limited what God could do by stopping there.  It's a tough challenge for sure.

IMPORTANT THOUGHT:

Sometimes, when you are striving for a really high goal, you get halfway there, look around and say, "I like the view from here... It's a lot better than where I was before. Why not just camp out here? I don't really need to make it ALL the way to the top." Look out! Don't fall for it. Strive to reach your full goal and you will surely be glad you did.  Imagine how happy you are now times ten - that's what it will feel like when you reach your goal. Keep working - don't slow down, don't give up.

19 Days Remaining: Feelin' Good

God is good.  I ran 4.8 miles this morning in 45 minutes.  Check out my route below.  Running out to Seminole and Fremont was not bad but I knew I was in for a good amount of running on my way home.  Once again, I put on the mindset of, "I don't know if I can make it at any good pace, but I know God can - take it away God.  I'll make sure I keep my legs moving and trust You to do the rest."

I thought of a couple challenges during today's run. The second challenge is only for people who finish the first challenge.


Challenge 1:

Do what you have the ability to do. Then keep going, waiting for God to jump in and help you. 

A good example is my run today.  Before God could help me run great distances, I had to get my lazy butt up, dressed and out the door.  I had to commit to running what I knew I was capable of (at least a 30 minute run) before I could expect God to help me run another 15 minutes.  You have to act first. And that's my challenge: Act first - do something - and give God a chance to help you do more than you thought you would ever do.


Challenge 2:

Do not limit God - He's capable of more than you think He is.

After I finished the run, I started walking down the street to cool down.  Back when I was in track, we usually had to do about a half-mile cool down jog - super slow, super easy, just helped reduce the soreness in your muscles. Well, this morning I felt that I should do a cool down jog around the block, but I really didn't want to. In fact, I kind of told myself I didn't have the energy to.

But then I thought to myself, why am I complaining about doing a super easy jog around the block? I answered myself by thinking, "God's done enough. He doesn't need to help me on my cool down too." Wait, how often do we look to God for help but limit what He can do?

Let's say I wanted to run 3 miles in 18 minutes, and I knew I could run 1.5 miles on pace. So, I actually acted on that and started running, expecting God to show up when I've done what I'm capable of (from challenge 1). God shows up on the scene and does something incredible and I make the time! What if God wants me to run a 4th mile in under 6 minutes? Will I limit God and say, "Oh, you've done what You need to do God. I'm good." Or will you let Him do even greater things in you?

I challenge you to 1) put yourself in a position for God to do great things with you and 2) be open to the truth that God might want to do more with you than you think He can or will. 

21 Days Remaining: Bitter or Better?

My college track coach was famous for his annual inspirational team t-shirt quotes or phrases.  My senior year it was "Bitter or Better?"

I didn't make my goal today. I was going for three one mile runs at 7:28.

Mile 1: 7:26
Mile 2: 7:22
Mile 3: 7:44

Sometimes you want to see if you can do it yourself. I thought the last run would be very hard but it really wasn't. After that run I think I landed on the other extreme thinking, "Oh, I got this. No big deal." A healthy dose of humility always does the body well. And if humility is not enough, the cleaning crew picked up my t-shirt during my third mile - gone forevermore.


Coping with Failure:


I honestly don't have much experience with coping with failure. Not because I'm super incredible, but because of #3 below - mediocrity.  If you set your standards low enough, you won't have to deal with failure. The side effect of setting mediocre standards, is becoming a mediocre person... Do you want to be mediocre anymore? I don't.


Four Ways to Cope with Failure:

1. The Blame Game

There are plenty of excuses I could come up with why I didn't make that last mile (like what I had for lunch yesterday...), but that's just one coping method I'd rather not use - "The Blame Game".  It's where you find something or someone else to blame instead of taking responsibility yourself. Your skill at the Blame Game  can directly reflect your immaturity level.

2. Quitting

Another way to cope with failure is to quit, give up.  But I've already worked too hard, have too many supporting me, and ultimately have too much riding on this one to give up now.

3. Mediocrity

You can cope with failure by becoming mediocre.  You realize you can't meet the high standards you set this time, so you will set lower, mediocre, luke warm, underwhelming standards for yourself next time.  Then you're more likely to meet them, but even if you don't, no one else really notices because they weren't that spectacular anyways.

4. Better Yourself

A fourth (and good) coping method, among hundreds more, is to become better, to rise to the occasion, to build your strength. There are so many phrases that go with this one. My favorite is, "Crap is the best fertilizer."


A Challenge:


You will fail at something in your life. Your response to failure and other hard times in life, defines who you are. Do you become angry or bitter at the world, or at God, or at someone you once loved? Or do you challenge yourself to look for ways to become better?

I challenge you to not be bitter the next time you fail - become better.

Leaning on God: 22 Days Remaining

The run today was an "easy" 3.5 mile run - don't push yourself too much, just make the milage. I finished at 34 minutes - just under 10 minute mile pace and 3 minutes under the same distance Monday.

Two Important Thoughts (Short Version):
1. Subscribe to failure no more - Jesus has conquered it all already!
2. If you want to be an example of someone who depends on God, you have to allow yourself to enter into challenging situations where you have no one else to depend on but God.


The Rest of the Story:

PART 1:


I wanted to beat my previous time of 37 minutes. But, after 28 minutes of running I caved in to the excuses, and I was willingly accepting failure - mentally and physically - with 9 minutes left to run.  Have you ever felt all your energy leave your body the moment you say, "I can't do it"?  It's rough.

But deep down, I didn't want to fail in this little task.

"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" - Proverbs 24:10

I knew God could help me.

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD  will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:30-31

So I began to pray out loud, "Lord, help me. You are my strength, my foundation. Jesus, you conquered ALL things; please bring me home. You conquered death, sin, the grave - surely you can conquer this. Help me finish the race strong. I trust in You. I lean on your understanding of what's possible, not my own. Lord, help me." I'm sure some people I ran by thought I was crazy.... but He is a faithful Father.

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" - Luke 11:11-13

PART 2:

I'll often think about what kind of a father I would be if Kate and I were blessed with children.  How would I teach my kids to depend on God in the tough times during their lives?  How much will they love God and Scripture?  


Chances are, at least initially - as little ones - my children will depend on God as much as they see me depending on God. They will love God as much as the see and hear me loving God. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) children cannot read their parents' thoughts.  So if you only pray in your head, how can your children ever learn how much you depend on God?


What's worse is this - if you are never in situations where you must depend on God (internally or externally), how much more unlikely is it for your kids to never see or hear you depending on God.  What example do they have for this critical lesson of God and life?


We - I - must put ourselves in places where we can't finish the race strong unless we depend and trust in God.  And then we need to verbally show our trust in Him for others to see our example. Don't believe they'll see your example through only your thoughts... they see your example through your actions. 


So start living like your life depends on God. 

Running Scared: 24 Days Remaining

This morning my goal was to run three, 7:48 miles with a minute rest between each.  This was a whole minute faster that last Friday's run.  Needless to say, I was not sure I would be able to make it this morning.

I started out way too fast which made me realize just how scared I was.  I made 7:48 per mile seem like this huge beast, nearly an impossible task to accomplish. From the moment I woke up this morning, up until halfway through the last mile, I really did not want to run... because I was so afraid that I couldn't do it.

But once again, I prayed hard during these miles and let God do the work. Look what He did:

Mile 1: 7:43
Mile 2: 7:44
Mile 3: 7:38

How awesome is a God that helps you even when you're scared stiff and have so little faith in yourself - He knows what He's capable - and I know He's capable of anything.

One more important thought:
I realized this morning the experience I'm having with God while running is just one of the many faces or characteristics of God - the God who's supports His children in making their goals and helping them become greater than they themselves believe is possible.

But if you need Hope, or a Friend, or Peace, or Strength, or Comfort, or Guidance, or Provision, or Love - God embraces these characteristics. Actually, He not only embraces these characteristics, but He is the best, most faithful One you'll ever find to have these characteristics.  And He is only thought away at any time.  "God. Help."

25 Days Remaining

DISTANCE/TIME:

Today's run was at no particular pace, just run for more than 37 minutes. I say “37 minutes” because that was how long Joseph and I ran last Saturday – and I wanted to run at least that far.

THOUGHTS:

I had a HUGE breakthrough today. After running about 37 minutes, I still had a little ways to go before I made it home. On the run out, I remember it taking me about 5 minutes, so I set a little personal goal to make it home under 5 minutes.

After running over 30 minutes, your body and mind are pretty tired. The excuses are flying left and right through your head by this point. So, I asked myself, “Can I really make it back in under 5 minutes?” And without hesitation, I thought to myself, “I don't know if I can but I know God can get me back in under 5 minutes.” And for the rest of the run, I did not question whether this was me running or God taking me – I knew God could do it and I fully relied on Him to get me home in under 5 minutes.

And He did – He brought home at an awesome pace, way under 5 minutes. After not putting my faith in myself but fully on God, the rest of the run was easy. I didn't question whether or not I was going to make it. I knew God was more than able.

And I guess that's what it really means to “boast only in the Lord” - to set a goal so high for yourself, the only way it can be reached is with God picking you up and taking you there. Then you can't give credit to yourself – only to God.

I need to think about setting more goals that require God's hand to get me to the finish line. Then I become more than I ever could have, but with no credit to me – all credit belongs to God. I challenge you to do the same. 

27 Days Remaining

One of my friends, Kurt, has been really good at helping me strategize to reach my 3 miles in 18 minutes goal. And I must say, it's really hard for me to take many opinions on how I should accomplish my own goal. My tendency is to want to do it my way! Isn't that true for most of us, most of the time, on most things?

But I think I've done very well at staying open to the ideas of those holding me accountable. If I wasn't what good would it be for them to confront me?

Anyways, so Kurt figured out that with seven timed workouts left, I would need to drop the total time from yesterday (24:24) by 1 minute each time.  This would put me on course for success - which is an AWESOME accountability move.  It's one thing to say, "You can do it Kevin. I believe in you." Or even, "Hey, did you run this morning?  You should..." But Kurt took it to the next level and asked, "What can we tangibly do to help you accomplish this goal of yours?" Level 3 Accountability - I like that.

So here is a schedule for my timed runs. Notice the timed run the week of Sept 10th (the end of the 30-day goal) is left blank - depending on how I feel, I might rest my body for the big run, or I might just run the timed run then.

Date  Total  Mile  2 Laps  1 Lap  1/2 Lap  100m
8-17  23:24  7:48  3:54    1:57   58.5s    29s
8-20  22:24  7:28  3:44    1:52   56s      28s
8-24  21:24  7:08  3:34    1:47   53.5s    26s
8-27  20:24  6:48  3:24    1:42   51s      25s
8-31  19:24  6:28  3:14    1:37   48.5s    24s
9-03  18:24  6:08  3:04    1:32   46s      23s
9-07  
9-10  18:00  6:00  3:00    1:30   45s      22s

This really helps me realize what exactly I need to do to accomplish this goal, which I believe is super-critical if you're serious about your goals - get serious about a schedule to meet that goal.

I wanted to take Kate to the Nutcracker by the Boston Ballet, but she said she would rather us go to a really good ballet company in Chicago. So today I started looking around for the best ballet company in Chicago. I found a couple sources that told me the Joffrey Ballet Company was pretty amazing and they are doing the Nutcracker December 10th through the 26th.

If you know of any better ballet company and/or a sweet hotel to stay at in Chicago, let me know!

Peace.

28 Days Remaining

WORK OUT:
3 x 1 mile threshold runs (meaning not killing yourself, but not easy - comfortably hard) at 8:20 minute mile pace with a minute rest between each.

TIMES:
Mile 1 - 8:10
Mile 2 - 8:07
Mile 3 - 8:05

THOUGHTS:
Yesterday, after realizing a 26:43 minute three mile is no where near an 18 minute three mile, I spent a good amount of time of the day in anxiety, shuffling through my stack of quickly forming excuses:

"Did I commit only out of emotion?" 

"In 10 years of organized track and soccer, I've never ran three miles in 18 minutes. How can I do it in 30 days?"

The excuses keep coming strong. They don't stop.  In fact, I've had to personally commit to beating them down, one at a time, as fast as they appear - which, honestly, might be more difficult than the running itself.


This morning was good, but rough. I noticed that the 50%-75% stage of the mile runs (aka the 3rd lap) are the most difficult for me.

Three important thoughts:

1. Support - When I arrived at the track this morning at 7, no one was there to support me. No fault to anyone, but I realized something. Even with a powerful support team, we're all human and others may let you down at some point, but if you are really committed, "lack of support" cannot be your excuse to failure. At that point, you've got to take up the responsibility for yourself and buck up.

For the sake of my support team: They had good excuses. And Joseph was there for my last mile, which honestly, if he hadn't been there to watch me run and run with me, that 3rd mile, physically and mentally, would have been awful.


2. Finishing the small tasks - My goal for each mile was 8:16 which meant 4:08 minute half miles, 2:04 minute laps and 1:02 every 200 meters. Of course, if you get behind each lap, the extra seconds start adding up really fast - and that's what happened on the last mile.

First may I say, starting the third mile, my legs feel like jello (more in the "soft" and "weak" way - less in the bouncy, delicious flavoring way). I was at 4:12 at the half mile and was not feeling good about making up the few seconds. Halfway through the third lap, my side really started hurting (I've got to get better at my breathing). Last lap of the last mile and I'm way behind time. The doubts and excuses are definitely moving through my head faster than my legs on the track at this point.

One thought and one prayer helped me book it the last half lap and make the time: The thought was, "I want to take Kate to the professional Nutcracker ballet (my reward for us when I make the 3 miles in 18 minutes)." The prayer was, "Lord, I cannot do this. Please, help me - help me make it under 8:20 (which was my original gaol for today's runs)!" And as you can see - God not only answered my prayer, but the 3 mile was the fastest.  How faithful is our God when we rely on Him!


3. Commitments and Relationships - I want to suggest real commitments and real relationships run hand in hand.  In fact, I may go as far as saying they are directly proportional. I've definitely misunderstood what a real commitment is. A real commitment needs a few things:

1. Verbal commitment of your measurable goal to an accountability individual or group
2. Verbal communication of the passion behind your commitment to your accountability partner(s)
3. A verbal commitment from your accountability partner(s) to do whatever it takes to make you reach your goal. 

When you have these three components to a commitment, the self disclosure you have to go through births deep relationships - not to mention the time you spending working on and talking about your passions. It is the perfect soil for creating deeper roots with someone. 

29 Days Remaining - The Run of My Life

I don't have time to go into all the details but basically, I've committed to run 3 miles in 18 minutes or less - oh yeah - within 30 days. If I make it, Kate and I are going to a professional ballet production of the Nutcracker.

DISTANCE:
Today's run was a 3 mile junk run - doesn't matter how fast you run it, as long as you make it.

TIME:
26:43

THOUGHTS:
The run was alright. I'm in worse shape than I thought, but I made it. Kristian (one of my coworkers who's supporting me in this endeavor) was pushing me along at his faster pace.  It's a mental thing but I always run better when I'm in the lead than when I'm behind (there's some life lessons in that I'm sure).

After the run I started thinking about visualizing me running three miles in eighteen minutes. I've never ran that fast before.  It was at the peak of my fitness in college when I was able to run one mile in under six minutes - much less three miles, each under six.

I don't doubt that I will work my butt off to make the time, but I'm definitely going to need strength from outside my self to make it.

Faithful

My life is going a million miles a minute.

God is still here. 

He has not moved. Not one inch. 

He has not stopped loving. He has not stopped giving. He has not stop forgiving. 

Even when I don't speak, He knows. 

I am weak. He is Strong.

How does someone love so deeply, so sacrificially? 

Maybe He believes that if He loves us hard enough we will one day give him back that same love.

He is ever-patient.

Can I be what He deserves? 

He believes I can. That should be enough. 

Press on towards the goal He tells me.

Press on. 

Press on. 

Press on. 

I am weak. He is Strong. 

The Lord is my Strength. 

I decrease.

He increases.

He keeps holding on.

He never gives up.

He is teaching me

Faith.

He 

is 

Faithful.

Birthday Adventures

 

So we started off in Arkansas camping in the Ozark National Forest. Quite the adventure because we ended up not doing what was planned but it turned out to be perfect. Nothing to do, no real trails, in the middle of nowhere but just right. We made a fire, read books, played cards, listened to animal sounds, bushwhacked, etc. I love the woods... it was so nice to be able to get away from society for a few days. Even just those few days gives you cultural stress when you get back. Here are some pictures:

Our second part of the trip was flying to Denver, CO for a business trip. Kevin and his boss were meeting with a client so their significant others came along too! FRESH air, warm sun, cool breezes, and surrounded by incredible mountain ranges. Although the weather was slightly colder there it didn't take away from the beauty of it. Definitely take the time to visit Colorado it is such beautiful retreat. Here are some pictures:

 (met for Sushi with friends from college)