So, I didn't make the time. In fact, I'm pretty sure I ran one lap short of 3 miles. So it is what it is - failure, defeat, falling short, not meeting expectations - however you want to call it. But forget that. Put those words away because I was not a failure in the most important sense: I fell short, but I'm getting up.
I learned this past month how much I'm afraid of failure. It paralyzes me. I chose mediocrity and laziness because I was afraid of letting others down - afraid of them seeing me fail.
Letting fear control my actions, I sacrificed my full potential. Imagine who you would be if you actually did what you deeply desired to do!
Deep down, I feel everyone can find who they truly want to be. What's holding you back from being that person?
IMPORTANT THOUGHTS:
1. So I look at failure in a different way now. Failure (or whatever form "failure" takes for you) is simply a God-given insight to an area in your life where you can grow. Learning you have room to grow is not bad. It's not saying you're not good enough. It's saying, you can be more!
What a gift, to discover an area in your life where you can grow more to become the person of God you deeply desire to be!
2. Mentally, on my run this morning (2.85 miles in 21:24), I changed my normal focus, from making it to the finish line, to making the next couple of steps. I was encouraged every three steps that I kept the pace of three steps back. When I used to think of the entire journey, I would sometimes realize I had "too far" to go and "I can't make it". I can make it three steps - so keep taking steps!!
3. I hardly ever fulfilled "commitments" to myself before. Because, ultimately, what was the purpose? My purpose to commit before was this: "I'm supposed to commit to this, right? This is what everyone expects me to commit to, right?" See if you recognize some of these "commitments":
- I commit to running more
- I commit to read my Bible more
- I commit to praying more
- I commit to calling my friends more
I was trying to commit these because it was what "I was supposed to do" - or what I chose to hear from society. And anytime I wrote one of these commitments down and taped it to my mirror, it was a burden, a weight, more "work", less time, less energy, less money. But I've changed my purpose in commitments.
My purpose behind commitments now is this: I know this commitment will help me become the person I want to be. And now a list of 50 commitments does not make me feel tired and depressed - just the opposite in fact! It makes me excited that I am on my way to becoming the person I deeply desire to be!
4 comments:
Kevin! I just have to tell you that your posts about running have been really great for me. I'm training for a half-marathon for next month, and I'm getting discouraged because I'm finding it difficult to keep the pace I set for myself. But you're helping me remember that it isn't the time or the actual success but more about the effort and mentality. So thanks.
i hate running. i think its gods way of saying we should drive. this has been a good series of post. it has been a success not a failure.
very good bro
love ya
If you were really afraid of failure, I don't think you would have picked such an insane goal. Maybe your just an extreme optimist ;)
also, have you always been so deep? and i agree with Rus about driving.
Though you address your own feelings of failure and rightly refocus on the success of trying hard despite falling short and getting back up afterward, you haven't addressed the claims you made earlier on: that God wanted you to embark on this journey so that when you DID accomplish your goal, everyone would know that since you obviously couldn't have run that fast, God did.
I think its good that you're not beating yourself up over the run-- its quite a high bar to set for the type of runner you seemed to be previously-- but throughout the blog you've made it clear that it wasn't about the run, but about your trusting in God. At times, after praying, you were able to finish a workout, for example, faster than you thought you could. And if God wanted you to run then, but now does not (and gave you failure as a gift as you claim), did God change his mind or did you hear God wrong?
Good job, by the way, and way to keep running. I'm not trying to be rude, just thinking it through.
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